Happy New Year

As I start this post there are 40 minutes left in 2008. I looked back earlier this evening at what I hoped I would get out of this year and what I really did. It is keeping me from saying too much about what I want from 2009, that's for sure.

I'll forever remember 2008 as the year I became a father. This was life-changing in ways I have only just begun to explore. I cannot put into words the number of things I have gained, nor the things which I have lost (or at least temporarily misplaced). Change is like that.

The biggest result of this of course is that there is a new person alive today who would never have existed if not for me. This is an incredible responsibility, and I feel humbled by it daily.

2008 wasn't just about becoming a dad, but everything else pales in comparison.

As I said, I'm hesitant to make predictions about 2009. But ...

I think 2009 will be about finding out who we are going to be for the next decade of our lives. We survived the pregnancy, we brought a new life into the world, and we made it through the first six months. Now what? Who are we now, in addition to being parents? How do we reframe ourselves as individuals and as a couple in this new context? Where do my hobbies fall in, which ones are forever gone and which ones can and should I rediscover? How do I reclaim my fitness so I can be there to walk my daughter down the aisle on her wedding day? Where am I going in my professional life? Where are we headed financially? How do we adapt our friendships, our family relationships?

How do we grow, while helping our daughter grow too? How does everything get rebalanced now that there's a new priority #1?

If there's anything that Eager Feet was meant to be about, it's questions like that. There's still room for this blog in my life. I just have to find time to fit it in.

No promises, no resolutions, just questions and ideas.

Happy New Year.

Keeping eager feet moving

The last time I talked about a new hobby, it was kayaking. I had gone with some family and really enjoyed it. Fast forward a couple years, and while I've been kayaking a few more times I'd hesitate to call it a new hobby of mine.

Well, these eager feet have found a new way to get moving -- geocaching. I've always thought of geocaching as a pretty niche hobby, for the subset of people who are both hardcore geeks and hardcore hikers. But it's gotten insanely popular over the past few years, and it's easy to be a casual geocacher these days. The price for introductory hiking GPS receivers is pretty reasonable, too.

So, again, after hearing a ton about it from family, my wife and I decided to give it a try. This time, we ended up buying the equipment ourselves and getting more into it.

I'll tell you pieces of three geocaching stories to introduce the various faces of the hobby.

1. At a state park, with the baby in a stroller and the sun beating down on us, my wife and I searched for a metallic container the size of the eraser at the tip of the pencil. We were pretty sure it was magnetically attached to a guardrail, and after a lengthy sweaty search I finally found it.
2. We drove through a town, on a two-step journey. The first brought us to a small monument we had never seen before, where we found a piece of wood with coordinates carved into it. We went to those coordinates, and found ourselves at a small park we had never visited, though we had seen it from afar. We explored the park, found a trail, zeroed in on the coordinates, and found a container hidden at the base of a tree.
3. My brother-in-law asked for my help in solving a puzzle cache, the only clue to which was the name of the cache, a passage from a fantasy novel, and an image of an item from those books. After days of struggling down dead-ends, I ended up figuring out that the clue was hidden inside the image via a simple Steganography technique. I did all this without leaving my desk. He will go to those coordinates and hopefully find the cache (and hopefully give me credit for solving the puzzle!).
   

I love exploring, I love trails, and I love the geeky roots of the geocaching hobby. Want to do nothing but hit tiny caches people have left in parking lots and roadsides? You can do it. Prefer to do 20-mile deep hikes to find caches only a handful of people have discovered? That option is there too. Want to find something in the middle?

I think this one might be one for the long haul.

What I believe

Some well-meaning extended family member recently sent around a link to an article written by a well-known conservative, listing "what he believed." I found it very hard to read, because I disagreed so strongly with what he said, and it bothered me to think that my own family didn't know what I believed. I became scared that I would never be able to tell them about my beliefs without seeming to be spitting on their values (the same way I felt that the article spit on mine).

I decided to try. What I found is that it's very hard for me to come up with a clean bullet list like he did. And maybe that's for the best.

See, I believe very few things.

Belief is a scary word to me, because it denotes an attachment to something which isn't known for sure. I try to avoid that kind of attachment, as it can create an unnecessary resistance to change and growth.

If I tell you I believe something, I will usually be able to tell you why. There are some exceptions - statements of value which are very difficult to explain. But I can try. If you ask if I believe something, the answer will often be "I don't know," because up until I was asked it wasn't necessary for me to form a belief.

Most things I believe, I believe because I have seen sufficient evidence of their truth. For example, we know that usually introducing diversity into a system makes it hardier. This applies in a trivial way to food sources (a disease which targets a single strain of plant cannot wipe out your civilization's food supply if you eat a variety of foods) and financial investments (a single market's failure cannot ruin your portfolio), among other systems. You can extend this out into many areas. A team can solve a variety of problems if people on that team bring a variety of perspectives to that problem. So, an ideal workforce (of people who are trying to solve diverse problems) is made up of diverse backgrounds. So, I "believe in diversity." Any situation where you want me to believe diversity weakens a system, you must try very hard to convince me.

As such, I "believe" that societies should not restrict human diversity. The USA has benefited in the past from its diverse population, and will benefit more from a more diverse population. If you want to justify a limitation in diversity, you must be able to demonstrate the extraordinary benefit to justify the opportunity cost of eliminating that diversity. For example, it is easy to make a case for limiting the number of languages you print road signs in, once the percentage of people who speak a language drops below a certain number (based on unreasonable cost to create extra signage and a lack of readability). I do not believe the same argument can be made against gay marriage, bilingual education, or ballots printed in a language spoken by a sufficiently sizable minority of a local population.

We also have sufficient evidence for me to "believe" our current understandings of gravity, magnetism, relativity, and evolution. I like to think I have no emotional investment in these beliefs (you could say I believe I have no emotional investment in them!), but until that is tested, it's unclear if it's true.

Some statements I find attractive, perhaps due to their simplicity or some similarity to my own view of the world. I do my best not to hold any attachment to these, but it certainly is tempting to believe them. Mathematically, for example, it's tempting to believe that there are an infinite number of pairs of twin prime numbers. On a similar line, some statements I would like to be true, but that doesn't mean I believe they are true. I hope that societal progress on a grand scale is positive, and that society in five thousand years will be fundamentally "better" than society now, just as our society now is fundamentally "better" (for the average person) than it was five thousand years ago. I tend to say "I like to think," as opposed to "I believe," for things like this. I certainly wouldn't feel like my world had been crushed if we found there were a finite number of twin primes, but it does make me sad to see local regression in standards of living for society (such as the situation in much of Africa today).

I do believe a small number of statements because they align closely with my deeply held values. I believe that it is wrong to hurt someone just because you can, for example. I believe that extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. I believe that clarity in chosen words is important in avoiding misunderstandings. I hesitate to even call these beliefs, because I can't picture something which could change my mind on them. I have trouble understanding people who have that same level of clarity about beliefs like "eating meat is immoral" or "homosexuality causes societal collapse," and yet I know they exist.

When I read an article written by a man who has dozens of "beliefs" that he wants to share with me, I find it distasteful, even offensive. And when I realize that politicians are making policy and trying to change the world based on those same beliefs, I find it frightening.

So you'll have to excuse me as I delete your email. Maybe some day I will show you this post and you'll understand why.

Compressing My Interests

Part of being a huge geek is knowing all sorts of up-to-date information on tons of subjects.

Part of being a new Dad is having very little time to get said information.

It provides an interesting conflict, the result of which is that I have to pick and choose what I want to stay up to date with, and what information I'm fine with falling by the wayside. For example, I'm staying current with Rock Band 2 news, but I have no idea what's going on with the Star Wars franchise. Today I made a conscious choice to stop reading forum posts on the PS3, getting condensed news via a couple PS3 blogs instead.

The second part of this story is that I have a new set of interests, relating to parenting. So not only do I have less time to deep-dive into my interests, but I should have more interests competing for my attention as well.

I have a newfound respect for parents of all varieties - athletes, geeks, musicians ... combinations of all the above. Whatever. Kudos to you for being able to balance it all. Looking forward to making it work for me, too.

Please like what I like

Yesterday evening, I downloaded some of the new songs available for Rock Band (two master tracks by my favorite band, Rush). I was eager to try them out, and our daughter was quiet and content after a bath. So my wife and baby sat together and I plugged in my fake plastic guitar.

I wasn't a third of the way through Closer to the Heart before Evelyn was crying and fussing.

I hope this isn't a pattern :).

I want at least a few years of my child enjoying what I enjoy before she turns into a terrible teenager who hates everything I like just to spite me.

Maybe I should give her longer than three weeks, eh?

I'm a Dad ... and my Dad's a grandfather

My daughter Evelyn was born on June 23. She's nearly two weeks old. The hours race by (except when they crawl) and the days all blend together.

Today, my father and my daughter met for the first time. My father was not a big part of my life when I was growing up. My parents divorced when I was young. The situation was complicated, and neither he nor I made a big attempt to stay in touch as I grew up.

New lives come into the world, and old lives are thrown into disarray. My Dad and I have a lot of catching up to do.

I hope he makes an excellent grandfather.

And I hope I make an excellent father.

Stop eating so much (oh, wait)

Short post from work today. As I sit in a meeting with some out-of-shape engineers, we have someone visiting from another site who I know is a triathlete. During the course of our two hour meeting she has eaten twice. The rest of us are getting hungrier and hungrier. We'll go gorge at our late lunch because our meeting will run over.

Someone has a better plan than the rest of us.

Withering on the vine?

This blog needs an injection of life.

When I started this, I wasn't sure what I was going to write about. Over time, I've had a few periods where the blog has been very focused, and a few where it's been more meandering. More than anything else, it's served as a semi-anonymous diary (while failing to be truly anonymous). As such, it follows the ebbs and flows of my own life and my need to write.

What I need to decide is whether I want to keep this blog for that purpose (knowing that when I blog about something interesting work-related, it goes in a different blog, and when it's family-related and safe for public consumption it goes in yet a third blog), or whether I should focus more aggressively on a more coherent theme. The problem is that my life is pretty consumed by family and work right now, and I'm blogging about those things elsewhere.

Now, if I would just get off my ass and start running regularly again, I'd have a steady theme. But there are other ideas I can focus on here, and might.

• Running and fitness (obviously)
• Tracking down and linking good travel writing (eager feet always travel, and I'll be doing less with a baby in the house soon)
• Following Hobbit movie news (Tolkien inspired the blog name)
• Writing exercises (A writer friend loaned me some books on writing and I never got past the first few exercises ... perhaps now that I'm writing so many blogs, I should try and improve my skills)

What I'm saying is that I'm not sure what you'll find showing up in your RSS reader if you're subscribed to this blog. But I don't plan to cut the blog off any time soon. So if I go too far off the deep end and you hate the direction I'm going, I apologize.

In which I profess my undying love for Rock Band

I got into rhythm games pretty late. Like "this year" late. But I think I may have waited just long enough to discover the golden age.

I was never a musician. I hung around with a lot of them, though -- I sat in dungy basements as my buddies wrote and practiced metal mayhem, I went to shitty high school band battles and cheered on the losing bands, and I waited outside all-ages nightclubs to get a chance to skirt around the edges of the mosh pit while people screamed into microphones and played heavily distorted guitars. My ears rang, and I kept coming back for more.

It influenced my choice in music for years to come. I fell in love with Rush, often described as musicians' musicians. I bought every Black Sabbath tape my local store carried, knowing they invented what other bands were stumbling over themselves to imitate. I bought blank tapes by the dozen to copy my friends' albums, and picked up new music as often as I could afford it.

I don't honestly know why I never tried to make music, but that ship sailed long ago. But that's okay. Harmonix wants to let me be in a Rock Band anyway. Whether alone or with my friends, in person or over the internet, I can pretend my frenzied mashing of buttons somehow produces the guitar track for Limelight, Tom Sawyer, or Sweet Leaf. Never mind that I can do the same thing with drums and singing when the mood strikes. And you don't just play the music, you customize your musicians, who you watch play the music in time with your actions.

Not only that, Rock Band isn't a game, it's a platform. Millions of dollars are being made selling playable versions of songs from a wide range of decades and genres of rock. Entire albums and possibly entire discographies are going to be made available. Motley Crue has released a single on it!

I may be almost 35, about to become a dad, drive a compact sedan and work in an office ... but whenever I want, I can strap that plastic guitar on and make magic.

I just hope we don't lose a whole generation of real musicians....

Spring is ... springing!

We had two great days last week, sunny days where the temperature spiked into the 60s and threatened 70. Days where you drive with the windows open, days where the sun sets and you don't instantly shiver, days where the birds sing and the frogs croak and the earth is soft under your feet.

Spring, ladies and gentlemen, may finally be here.

And as I drove past the pond the other day, watching the bright sunlight play off the water, I missed running.

All winter long, my fitness has dropped -- I've eaten worse, my exercise has slowed (as in, working out every 2 weeks), and I've often been down about the results. But having a pregnant wife makes for a great excuse, and so does having lots of work in the house. After all, nailing up bead board for a few hours is exercise, isn't it?

While I've missed feeling healthy, I haven't missed it enough for it to drive me into making lifestyle changes. But I miss running. I don't necessarily miss eating salads for lunch and saying no when someone brings in cookies to work, but I miss knowing that I can run out my front door, past that pond, on a three-mile journey that connects me with nature and reality in a way that nothing else I do can.

I don't need to be a marathoner, but I think I need to be a runner.

The Digital Nesting Instinct

While the home gets more and more child-ready (this weekend we painted a ton of bead board, last night we were up late nailing it to the basement walls), my mind is turning to a different kind of nesting. The digital kind.

This blog and my picasa space are great for talking about my generic life and hosting/posting pictures of various things as they come up. But the future isn't that simple. I'm going to be collecting photos at a much higher rate, and taking video as well. I want to put all that in a place where my family and friends can access it safely.

Even better, I want to do it in place where the content is safe for my mother-in-law, online friends, co-workers, bosses, etc. In other words, it's not the same as a semi-anonymous blog. In an earlier post I talked about my "two" identities -- the one that's attached to everyone I work with, and this one. Now I'm looking at a third identity -- the Real Me (is it odd that I find it so easy to think about my life in these weird slices? Do other people?). A domain name based on my actual real name. A blog with pictures of my family and posts about family events, that I wouldn't be freaked out if my boss read.

This is a new world for me. I can accomplish this with a domain name and another google apps install -- hosting the images on, say, flickr, or picasa web, hosting the blog content here on blogger, the web pages on google pages, etc. Or I can pony up the cash to buy some hosting and have full control over it all. I honestly don't know what I am going to do, but I feel this strong urge to get acting on it soon.

Now I know how Jess felt when she was looking at cribs and wall colors. Must NEST! Can't decide how! Can't wait!

What do I want to do when I grow up?

This year, I turn 35. This year, I will be a Dad. At 20, I could conceive of neither of these things.

In fifteen years, I will be 50. And I will have a 15 year-old daughter, unless the ultrasound tech is seeing a very girly-shaped-boy-part, in which case I will have a 15 year-old son with issues about showering after gym class (sorry son).

I can picture neither of these things either. At first this worried me. But then I realized that this is how reality works. We constantly do things which surprise the hell out of us. Before we bought our home, I could not visualize the everyday life of a homeowner. But now, it's just how we live. I snowblow, mow the grass, worry when a branch falls on the roof in a thunderstorm, paint the rooms wacky colors, and watch movies with the volume cranked up so the walls all vibrate without anybody complaining (except Jess, but that's nothing to do with the house). When I was in college, I couldn't picture going in to work every day and writing software. When I was writing software, I couldn't picture managing a team of developers.

I don't know what I'll be doing in 15 years, or even in 2, when it comes to being a parent. But I know I'll figure it out somehow. I imagine there are people who have their lives all mapped out, visualizing their futures, and are never surprised. I wonder if it's as boring as it sounds :).

Evolution of a (RSS) reader

It used to be, I couldn't understand the appeal of RSS. Now, I can't imagine staying up to date with reality without it.

I don't have to check sites to see when they update -- they tell me. And for many sites, I never have to go there at all. I apologize to all the graphic designers of the world, but sometimes I just enjoy reading the text in plain old black on white.

Anyway, you can see what kind of changes life has brought me by looking at my RSS feeds. The standard geeky fare is still there and always will be, but what's supplemented it over time? Well, the most recent changes are in the area of personal finance and parenting, and the intersection of the two.

When did I go from reading about new user-created maps for online FPSes to researching baby strollers?

And why doesn't it bug me?

First Gygax, now Clarke

Today, a true legend passed away. Arthur C. Clarke, best known for authoring 2001, died at the age of 90.

I was introduced to Clarke in high school, when I went on a classic science fiction kick, starting with some of Heinlein's work. I think I read 2001, 2010, Rendezvous with Rama, Childhood's End, and one of his short story collections all in the same year. Childhood's End sticks with me the most, all these years later.

Clarke was not just a brilliant writer, he was a scientist and a revolutionary.

I am sad to see him go.

Blogging at work and at home

I've written in the past about my "split identities" at work and at home. I caught myself today, while folding laundry, thinking about work. More specifically, I was thinking about my work blog. I am going to be taking a trip to a conference in May, and the prep work for that conference will make a great recurring topic for days when I don't have something fundamentally cool to say at work.

It's odd to make the shift from thinking about "I should totally blog about the movies I watched this weekend" to "I have a great topic for my work blog." But while one or two people might find my movie reviews interesting, a hundred co-workers or more will see my new blog post's headline and I know at least a half-dozen or more will read it. It might not be as fun, but it's reaching a larger audience and from a totally selfish standpoint will get my name mentioned in circles I'd never be in otherwise.

But it eats at the same pool of writing energy. So instead of thinking about a clever way to package up my weekend's activities into a blog post, I'm thinking of a way to stretch 8 weeks of prep for a conference into a series of posts. And as a result, you get to read about, well, why I find that whole process interesting....

Video Game Geek Moments

True video game geeks know what I'm talking about -- a sense of accomplishment and pride that comes from battling against a given level/task in a game for a long period of time until it's finally beaten. It is even more fun if it's a cooperative multiplayer game. I have many happy memories of getting past difficult parts of tons of games with various friends through the years.

Tonight, my wife and I finally got a rainbow on the "Special 1" level in Pixeljunk Monsters, a budget "tower defense" game, for the PS3. This means nothing to the vast majority of you, but it was the culmination of daily play for some time, and it was a shared accomplishment. In fact, it was Jess's idea to try a variation on our strategy that I think led to the victory.

It's pretty cool to be able to share that specific geeky feeling of accomplishment with the mother of my future child, I must say :).

15 weeks to go

Our wonderful baby is still growing and getting stronger and bigger by the day. Jess feels frequent kicks and moves, and today's doctor's appointment and ultrasound showed everything going according to schedule. Here she is trying to call me a loser by making an "L" on her forehead.

Identity Maintenance

The online world is really converging. I hate to get all buzzwordy but the old rules of the web are fading and new ones are really taking hold. When people who make way more money than I do at work are using Twitter to update their blogs, for example, I know things are changing.

It leads to some interesting situations, though. This blog is my little quiet corner of the 'net, and as such is part of my personal identity. But it's not part of my professional identity. But as these identities spread, it becomes more difficult to keep them separate.

My professional identity includes LinkedIn, Facebook, and a behind-the-firewall blog at our corporate social media site. It's all tied to my full name.

My personal identity includes a blog, a domain name, a Picasa web folder, an RSS feed, my netflix queue, numerous online site memberships, and who knows what else. It's all tied to one of three nicknames: the name of this blog, my usual forum handle, and my real first name.

Some people straddle both spheres. I have good friends that I trust with both identities. Some family. But there aren't many of them. (It's actually more complex than this --there are people who get "some" of the picture but not all, family members who browse my photos but would have no idea how to find this blog, for example.)

Someone with a little spare energy could connect all these dots, I'm sure. At some point, it will be more work to keep these identities separate than it's worth. But do I really want my boss poking around my blog? If I were to go job-hunting (note to my boss, I am not job hunting :P), do I want my hiring manager paging through my vacation photos or reading about my struggles with my fitness goals?

It may well be that my only other option will be to let one identify disappear. And that just seems so boring....

Construction Work

So the nesting efforts are increasing daily here at home. Our basement remodel is nearing completion, with recent work on drywalling the bathroom making it look more like a room and less like a plumbing supply store. Yesterday and today were bigger days, though -- last night my father-in-law helped me carry some heavy boxes into the house, and this morning I sat down with my wife and put together a crib, a changing table, and a dresser.

They are antique white, with a green-and-pink bedding set already in place (well, no mattress). She even has curtains up. What's next? Painting, cleaning out closets, good stuff like that.

It's starting to look like a nursery. Give it a few weeks, and it won't be recognizable as a guest room....

20 weeks in

That's right -- my lovely wife is a few days past 20 weeks into her pregnancy.

We just had an ultrasound which shows it's very likely going to be a baby daughter we bring into the world 4 months from now.



Four months seems like a long time. It won't be.

Superbowl XXX

Superbowl XXX, January 29 1996. Three weeks prior, I had decided to take a job at Data General and let them pay for the rest of my schooling instead of finishing off grad school as a TA. I had been married for just over a year and a half. My good friends, a year behind me in school, were set to graduate in a few short months. Everything was changing. Nobody knew where we'd be in a year's time, but everything seemed possible.

I didn't grow up watching sports -- the Superbowl was a nonevent for me, most of the time. The only Superbowl parties I had been to were quiet during the commercials and talkative during the game.

But everything was changing, as I said. So I crowded into the dorm suite with a bunch of friends and watched the Superbowl. I tried not to ask too many questions (no guy wants to admit he doesn't understand football), and did my best to follow along. It was something new -- people cared about the game. Nobody wanted the Cowboys to win -- even as they mocked the Steelers they rooted against Emmit, Irvin, and Aikman. My wife began cheering on the Cowboys just to be contrary.

Late in the game, Steelers coach Bill Cowher made a ballsy call. Surprise onside kick. It was a momentum changer -- the Steelers had scored ten points in a row and forced the Cowboys to punt with less than seven minutes on the clock.

I didn't know it then, but that was the moment I fell in love with football. Anything was possible, like I said.

The Cowboys won. I learned that ballsy wasn't enough to win a game. And I learned that it's okay to cheer on the underdog even if they don't win.

I watched the next year's games, all the way through Bledsoe's defeat in the next Superbowl against Favre. And I haven't stopped.

This year, things are mixed up. The Pats are the heavily favored dynasty, the Giants the scrappy underdog America wants to see win. But I'm getting together with those same friends, and hoping for the same outcome -- the dominant team to win in a game that reminds us why we love football.

Go Pats.

Sanibel Vid

And here's a short video we shot of the birds feeding. Youtube pixelized the water pretty bad, but oh well.

Sanibel Pics

As promised, some Sanibel pics.

These birds were flying all over this slow-moving pool of water in Ding Darling Wildlife Refuge, snatching small fish trapped when the tide came in.

The rare (and ugly) Wood Stork.

Gator country!

A nice shot of some mangroves.

Where's Dave?

I'll post some pictures later, but I was away for a week in beautiful Sanibel, Florida. It was a big family trip, with 9 of us (including 3 kids) staying in two condos by the beach. We got in a bunch of quality time, and I caught a killer cold which made me spend a good chunk of it in a drug-induced haze.

Upon my return, I caught some nasty stomach bug, which knocked me on my back for a solid 36 hours and is still leaving me unstable. Since Monday I have eaten very little of nutritional value, and it's really starting to wear on me, but everything I eat of substance sends me back into digestive panic mode. Today's lunch was a slice of bread, a banana, and a yogurt. Hope it sits with me better than the turkey sandwich I ate yesterday did.

Bad times, too much info, etc.

I said I wanted to start eating healthier when I got back from vacation ... not that I wanted to stop eating entirely. Fooey.

Workout snapshot

I'm still struggling to get back into healthy habits after a too-long holiday break. But I have been running and that's a start.

As I plodded along on the treadmill the other day, I realized I really wanted to take a break. I fought this urge, calling back to all the tough-guy mantras about "no pain, no gain" and "pain is weakness leaving the body," and all the things you might repeat to yourself to make sure you can stay on your feet long enough to complete a 10K, for example. I remembered my 30-minute run from just the other day, and how proud I was to complete it after such a long break.

And then I realized how foolish I was being. I slowed down, walked for a few minutes, and then started running again. In the end, I still ran the same amount, but I was exercising for longer because of the walk breaks. I was less physically and mentally beat at the end, and the whole experience seemed more positive to me.

And yet, the next workout, I fought with the exact same urges.

It's just simple pride, wanting to prove I can tough it out. The truth is, right now, it's much more important that I simply stay active than that I "prove" to anyone (especially since nobody is watching me!) that I can run like I was running three to four months ago.

So for a little while at least, walk breaks are going to be a part of my routine.

I just wish they didn't feel like cheating.

Having fun playing video games

Allow me to nerd out a bit about video games. The following are gross simplifications, and I've done exactly zero study on this. In other words I'm blabbing, not researching.

In most games, you provide input to the system, and that input directly corresponds to motion by an avatar of some kind on a screen. Pac-Man moved up/down/right/left, Space Invader shot and moved around, and in Grand Theft Auto you can punch, shoot, run, drive, etc.

There's another kind of game, where the input to the system modifies the experience in different ways, rewarding you for providing the right inputs. For example, the trampoline gymnastics minigame in the Wii Olympics, you press a series of buttons in the order specified during a very short time. Get it right, and your avatar tumbles, flips, and performs a smoothly beautiful routine. The crowd applauds. Get it wrong, and you barely make it back on your feet to jump again, and the crowd registers its disapproval.

Rhythm games definitely fall into this latter category, and the most recent one to get in the public eye would have to be Guitar Hero. I played GH3 for the first time this weekend, and it's difficult to explain how fun it is. The gameplay is fairly simple to describe. Colored markers move towards you, and as they hit a "line" you must press a button corresponding to the marker's color while pressing another button to "strike." It feels very guitar-like -- you're holding down the strings with one hand while strumming with the other.



What makes the game so much fun is the feedback system. Play flawlessly, and you hear the exact song you think you are supposed to hear. Make a mistake, and a note is missed in the song, or worse, an incorrect sound is produced. So you're mentally rocking out to Metallica and instead of hearing what you want, you hear an awkward clanging sound. It throws you out of the groove and makes you flinch. Screw up a few times in a row, and the crowd turns on you, and the pressure grows. Get back on track, or lose the game.

It's a fun game to watch, because you're listening to music and watching the entertaining antics of the fictional band going on in the background as the player focuses solely on the colored dots. And it's a fun game to play, because in a very real way you are creating music by your actions, with immediate positive and negative feedback for every single button press.

I'm far from an expert on rhythm games, having only played Dance Dance Revolution a few times prior to this. But I can say, for me, Guitar Hero is much more fun than DDR. You are producing the music, not just controlling something that moves along with it. It's so much more satisfying when you win.

I can't imagine how much fun Rock Band is.

Blu-Ray Wins?

I can't help but think this latest move by Warner is going to finally spell the end of HD DVD.

I admit to having a soft spot for HD DVD, and not just because I bought one of their players (I did so at the $99 price, knowing if it lost the format war the very next day I'd still get my money's worth before buying a BD player -- no regrets). I'm not even sure why, except perhaps that it felt more consumer-friendly. The players were cheaper, the discs were cheaper (to make, not to buy), and there was no region-encoding.

The war's not over, though. I expect we'll see some more battles going on. But my gut tells me we won't be seeing people buying HD DVD players for Christmas next year.

Dave's Dirty Secret

(no, not that secret)

Quick link-and-run -- the newest Best of Bootie CD is out. You can download it here. I can't tell you how many times I've found new energy on a run while listening to a mashup of songs I'd never listen to alone.



(just kidding about that other thing)

Work is tiring

While I was working with my father-in-law on some home improvement efforts, I realized just how exhausting it would be to do his job full-time. Climbing ladders, hanging siding, hammering, sawing, lifting, climbing, bending over to pick things up, getting your hands all calloused and cut up, etc. I was (and am) so thankful that my job is easier.

And yet today, as I work on my seventh performance review (I have 9 to write), I realize that difficult and exhausting come in all flavors. So, yes, I may not be tired like my father-in-law is at the end of the day, but I'm tired in my own special way :).

Got my second run of the year in today, oddly a more difficult run than my first one, which was breaking over a month of time away from it. Still, got it done. It's nice to have a job that leaves me "tired" in a way that I can still run, I guess!

"A nice relaxing day off."

I was describing today to my mother, and said I had a relaxing day off.

And then I thought about what I did.

I got rid of a huge backlog of laundry from when our basement was torn apart and it was difficult to do any.

I dragged the treadmill out from its hiding place where we had to stick it for the Christmas party, set it up, and did my first run in, well, what, four weeks? Six?

I took down all the ornaments, garland, and lights, boxed it all up, then took down the 8.5-foot tree, dragged it outside, and ditched it in the woods.

Finally, I cleared off both cars, shoveled both driveways, and the porch/steps/sidewalks.

Somehow, this was mentally equated with "relaxing" to me. I personally blame the run. Maybe there's a lesson there.

2008 Goals

Now that the basement remodel is nearly done, I can put the treadmill back out. I'll start running again. And what goals do I have for the new year?

- Get back up to 3 runs a week, every week
- Increase my distance again, and maybe run that 10K in April
- Continue staying fit after baby is born

Everything beyond that is going to be gravy, honestly. I have so much to learn about being a dad. That really is going to be what 2008 is all about. If I can somehow manage to not become fat and lazy in the process, I'll proclaim victory.

See you on the flipside of midnight, folks.

Hi Dad

Finding out you're going to be a parent is one way to force change in your life. For me, the most recent change is reconnecting with my father.

My parents divorced when I was 8, and things were a bit rocky from that point on. My mom did her best to raise my brother and me, but had her own problems. My dad was in his own world, which from what I understand included drugs, booze, and women. We visited him once or twice a week for a couple hours at a shot, but we never really got close.

Once I got married, I drifted even further from my dad, who had in the intervening years stabilized his life quite a bit and married again (they've been married over 20 years now). But we visited yesterday for the first time in several years, and just spent some time reconnecting.

No heavy conversation, nothing big, just catching up on life's little things.

He's going to be a grandfather soon. When I look at how big a part of my life my grandfather was, I can't deny him the chance to do that for my child.

I don't know where this will all go, but for now, it was nice to sit down and chat with my Dad.

Farewell to 2007

What happened this year? "Not much," tends to be what you say in casual conversation. But the truth is always more complicated. Here are the things I wrote about in my blog this year:

In March, I started running again after a long break.
In April, we hosted family Easter and weren't sure we wanted to have kids.
In June, I fell in love with running outside all over again.
In July, I shaved off my beard and immediately regretted it.
In August, I exercised every day and turned 34.
In September, I hit a major weight goal and went on vacation to Newport. Somewhere in there, my wife and I had a magic moment (ahem) and a tiny baby started growing inside her. Looking back at April, we obviously changed our minds.
In October, I ran a 5K.
In November, I went on vacation to ice-cold Vermont and didn't run.
In December, I told the world I was going to be a Dad, and hosted Christmas.

I bought myself a present

I bought myself a present today ... a domain name.

Yes, I finally got onboard and grabbed eagerfeet.com. I would have bought it a while back but someone else had it and was hosting a rarely-updated blog on it (oddly enough, a blog they created via blogger.com, which wasn't named eager feet .... ).

Anyway, on a whim I checked, and it was available again. For ten bucks, why not?

I may or may not get hosting at some point. For now, you can find this blog here at blog.eagerfeet.com, and I'll tinker with the rest of eagerfeet.com in other non-disruptive ways.

How Brenda saved Christmas

So we made it through Christmas alive and well, with our joy mostly intact.

The plumbers finished their work on Wednesday the 19th, so we had two full days prior to our party on the 21st. Of course, I was working full days both those days, so a lot of prep work fell on poor Jessica (who did manage to snag from help from her parents on Thursday), and then on me in the evening. So, 3 very busy days in a row leading up Saturday's party.

Saturday, I dragged out the snowblower (only used once so far) to clear away parking spaces (about ten cars, in two driveways, means you need to clear some space on the lawn). It had a flat tire! Now, if you aren't snowblower-savvy, a flat tire may not sound like a huge deal. But putting air in a tubeless tire with no seal on it is kind of very difficult. I went into full-blown panic mode while Jess got the house ready. Our first guests were set to arrive at noon and the morning was disappearing fast.

I ran to the store, bought an air pump, and struggled further. Finally, I gave up on it and decided to wait until Steve and Brenda and the kids arrived (they were coming first, a good hour before anybody else) before doing more. I ran inside and started helping Jess, the whole time picturing the three of us (myself and the other two non-pregnant adults) shoveling this 18 inches of cold snow. Ugh.

Finally, they arrived, and the three of us struggled with the "put vaseline on the rim, tie a rope around the tire method" which they independently confirmed. We ended up using some A+D Ointment because we had no vaseline, and an old extension cord because we had no rope. It took us a few tries, but we finally got it going. (I say "us" and "we" but it was really "they" who got it going. I mostly watched and ran and got things. I'm really a lousy homeowner.)

Anyway, after we got it started, I saw the gleam of pure envy and realized joy in Brenda's eyes. Evidently she's some kind of snowblower addict, and with theirs broken down she hasn't been able to snowblow for a while. So, yeah, that's the story of how my sister-in-law snowblowed out parking spaces while I showered and got ready for the party. I kid you not about the extent of her snowblowing -- she would have cleared out our whole property if I had let her, I think.

In the end, we were all safe inside by the time the rest of the guests arrived (well, except for Jess's parents, who came while Brenda was still snowblowing), and I had spent enough time catching my breath to be sane.

The rest of the day was what family Christmas always is. Gifts, food, drink, games, laughter, telling stories outside by the fire (started by Brenda, after we had decided that the weather wasn't nice enough to start one), and all that. It was a beautiful wonderful time, as it always is. And we were completely exhausted when it was over.

Christmas Chain Mails

Instead of a blog, my family uses chain mails. They will mail each other a touching news story, a funny picture, or a survey, just like some of us use blogs. Of course, every single one comes with directions to forward on, and as a longtime net user such things ignite me with the burning rage of a thousand suns.

Well, maybe not that bad. But I was on the Internet before AOL was. I remember when forwarding a chain mail got your account suspended and you had to go beg a sysadmin with a beard and hobbit feet for it back.

Anyway. So rather than answer their latest chain and forward it, I'm posting about it in my blog. Here goes.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Depends on the package. Since I love ripping open paper, I love giving gifts wrapped in paper, but some gifts just don't go that route easily.

2. Real tree or Artificial?
Real.

3. When do you put up the tree?
The weekend after Thanksgiving, or one week later.

4. When do you take the tree down?
Depending on how dead it is, between Dec 26 and Jan 1.

5. Do you like egg nog?
Sort of, mainly as a delivery vehicle for spiced rum. My stomach is sensitive to dairy though, so I can't drink most egg nogs.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
I only remember one Christmas as a child, and I remember getting cars that you pulled back and which launched forward when you let them go. So I guess that will default to my favorite.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
A small one, yes. I could write a whole blog post about this singular topic, and maybe I will when I have more time.

8. Hardest person to buy for?
Probably Andy (my wife's cousin's husband, a great guy who has few vices or money-wasting hobbies, and who buys himself things he needs)

9. Easiest person to buy for?
Steve Sr. (my father-in-law, who never complains if you ask what he wants, and in fact will give you a list including something he probably needs for his work as a general contractor)

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Snail mail all the way.

11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received
Nothing stands out. Off the top of my head I remember getting clothes that didn't fit, but that's about it. There are always gifts which don't get much use, but none of them stand out as "worst."

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Probably Christmas Vacation, with Chevy Chase. It gets me laughing and puts me in the holiday mood.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Mid-November, online. I tend to put off last-minute stocking stuffers for the final week though. I still need to buy some and probably won't until Friday.

14. Ever recycled a Christmas present?
Yes.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Nuts & Bolts, my grandmother's recipe for homemade chex mix.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
Both! No blinking, though, please.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
Carol of the Bells, instrumental, or (There's No Place Like) Home for the Holidays as sung by Perry Como.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
I travel when I need to but enjoy staying home.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
Not without online assistance.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Christmas.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
It falls in Q4, which means work is usually crazy at the same time. I wish I had more time to relax and soak in season before the actual event.
That, and parking at stores. And driving near stores.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
Eclectic.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
To have a great party at our place, and to have zero traffic snags when we have to travel. Everything else is a bonus.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this?
Nobody reads my blog, so nobody.

27. Who is least likely to respond to this?
Jessica. Even if she read this, she would not have the patience to write one herself.

A Major Announcement

So, 3 weeks ago I said I had more details on the other reasons things are hectic for me right now. And then I never updated.

Sorry about that. It's been, well, like I said, crazy.

And part of the reason is that by midyear 2008, my wife and I hope to be a family of three, not just two. That's right -- we're expecting. Due date: June 18.

As a teen, I was certain that I wouldn't want to have children. I was the angry rebel, looking down my nose at breeders filling the world with more kids to use up our scant resources.

Things have changed a bit over the intervening years. And now I keep looking ahead to the future, to being able to create a new life out of the building blocks of my own and Jess's, and shaping a mind into someone who can hopefully make the world better.

The changing diapers part, well, not so excited about that.

Madness

So, things have been a bit hectic this month. At work, we're in serious crunch mode. At home, we hosted Thanksgiving and have been busy getting things ready for a basement renovation (reworking the laundry room into a half bath). We've done some holiday decorating and shopping, as well. And in the process of all that, I haven't run in a couple weeks, and my diet has been mediocre to downright bad depending on the day. I wasn't able to make the race I thought I might make this month, and now can't make the one for next month either. Things are a bit mad, and time is flying by.

The next two months are going to fly by, too. In the coming weeks we have:

• a friend's big holiday party
• Christmas tree locate/place/decorate
• New bathroom installed in basement
  
• Heat installed in basement, including replacing old furnace/etc.
  
• family birthday party
• one work Christmas party (shared)
• three other work Christmas parties (not shared)
• Christmas shopping
• hosting family Christmas Eve (on 22nd)
• Christmas itself
• Q4 ends (has work implications)
• New Years
• Week-long trip to Florida
• NFL playoffs on TV
• Superbowl

I list those last two because they are social time consumers, not because I am actually playing. Duh ;).

There's other stuff too, which I will write about in a week or so. Excitement!

Leave your cynicism at the door

(this is an edited version of an email I sent a friend yesterday)


Halloween is over, and we're on an accelerated course towards Thanksgiving this year.

I am ready.

I know I'm more of a holiday sucker than the average (and I pale in comparison with my lovely wife Jess) but this year, for whatever reason, I'm already feeling the love.

We're hosting a big Thanksgiving dinner again, for Jess's parents/brother/kids. We're hosting Christmas again, or rather Jess's mother is hosting it at our house, so hopefully we just provide the location and clean up afterwards :). Last year, it was awesome. I know that I didn't personally construct a meaningful holiday for everyone who attended. But I know they all had a great time, and have happy holiday memories, of time spent in my home. It's a tiny thing, really, but it's this silly little source of pride and happiness and I'm very excited to know I'm doing it again this year.

Anyway. I'm ready. I'm ready for cold weather, gloomy cloudy November skies, fires in the fireplace, and turkey in the oven. I'm ready for Christmas planning, for tiny white lights, for old
sentimental Christmas favorites flitting through the air.

I'm ready for all of it. Bring it on.

Great way to wrap it up

A relaxing breakfast with my wife at our favorite local diner? Check.
Getting all the laundry from vacation done? Check.
A 4-mile run in beautiful autumn weather, after not running for over a week? Check.
Some time spent getting to know the game that might turn into my new online addiction? Check.

The Patriots fighting tooth and nail to remain undefeated by beating the Colts in Indy?
Oh, heck yes.

Tomorrow I go back to work, but today I'm still on vacation, and enjoying every last minute of it.

Feeling refreshed

We're home today, after one week away. We went to beautiful upstate Vermont, which was past its foliage season but not yet into ski season. In other words, we were there during what is probably the region's quietest time. And we loved it.

Lots of quiet time, a roaring fire in the fireplace, easy scenic drives to various low-key activities, and way too much junk food.

The scale is mad at me today, and I've got some work to do to work off the damage I did to my body this week. But my soul? My soul is in pretty good shape.

Having fun at work

So, a co-worker and I were grabbing coffee out of our free coffee machine, and saw that a dollar was folded up and left on the counter near the machine. Each of us assumed the other had dropped it, but we quickly realized it belonged to neither of us.

We immediately began discussing the ethical dilemma of "found money."

But, hey, why not have fun with the situation? I added a dime. Whoever left that dollar, if they come back, will find it has grown 10%. Will they leave it there in hopes it grows further? Will people begin to think there's a need to leave money to pay for their coffee?

Either way, the laughs we got more than paid for the ten-cent investment I just made (but will it pay for the opportunity cost of not taking the dollar? Hmm....).

Tough it out

We all look at moments of major effort as achievements and milestones. You remember your longest run, your PR races, your injuries that you recovered from.

The truth is, fitness is built on much less grandiose moments.

Yesterday's run was a simple half-hour treadmill workout. I was tired, because I hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before. I was in a bad mood, after a stressful day at work and at home.

Honestly? That run sucked. I hated it. It never felt easy. I was uncomfortable, my ipod kept playing songs I wasn't in the mood to hear, and I couldn't find anything I wanted to watch on the TV. It was an unhappy run, but it wasn't even an unusual run. I just felt like shit, and the run did nothing to improve how I felt physically or mentally. I finished it just as drained as when I went into it. I didn't feel proud or anything, I just felt tired and sweaty.

But I did it.

It's not a glorious moment. It's not a tale of success that you can't wait to share with others. It's just the ugly truth -- sometimes it sucks, and you do it anyway, and that's how you earn the right to enjoy those other moments.

Six Miles

Prime distance running weather is upon us here in New England, and I took advantage this weekend. I laced up and did a newly extended route which turned out to be just over six miles in length.

This isn't quite a personal distance PR, as I ran a few 6-mile training runs and ran a 10K race in April of 2005. But I didn't run that distance again after the race, so we're looking easily at the longest distance I've run in two and a half years.

Four miles in, I felt indestructible. I said to myself, of course you can run a half-marathon next year -- look at this, you're going to do half that today (well, almost-half, you see).

Five miles in, my legs were tired and I had a mild side stitch. I said, hmm, maybe I should focus on running a six-mile run weekly first.

At completion, I was truly exhausted, but thrilled, and have reminded myself of the tremendous respect I have for true distance runners.

The rest of the day, soreness in my knees, which were still fairly uncomfortable this morning. Not sure how I feel about that....

Hundreds of channels

I'm paying more money than I like to admit to bring hundreds of channels of cable television into my home. There are more specialized channels than I can count, including dozens I never even look at.

You'd think one of them would carry some Ironman championship coverage, no?

Instead I'm watching it in pixelvision on my PC. Good times.

Best of luck to all the racers in Kona today. You're all an inspiration.

For example

in reference to my last post ...

One way to exert control is to go for a run when what I really want to do is put on pajamas and eat junk food in front of the TV.

Now my back and knee hurt a little ... but I'm feeling much more in control.

Little things can do a lot.

I walk the line

One of the major themes in my life is control. I have a host of small neuroses which revolve around my control over my environment, for example, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I go through phases, where I feel like I'm in control of my life ... and I go through phases where I feel like I'm swept up in a tide. There are times where month after month the bills come in and I know what's coming, and I'm content with how I'm managing the finances. Other times, I'll get a bill and realize I had no idea I spent that much money the previous month.

Right now, I feel like I'm dangerously close to that boundary when it comes to my diet. I recognize some dangerous behaviors and I'm trying to exert control on them before I get caught up in them. Work is getting very stressful, and I'm noticing when I go to lunch in the cafeteria, instead of the salad and yogurt I'm getting a sandwich and a bag of baked Lays. It's not that a sandwich and a bag of chips is an unhealthy lunch. It's that I didn't make a conscious choice to have that. I went into the cafeteria and without knowing it, let my emotions drive my choice, and ended up "treating" myself, specifically because I was frustrated, tired, and so forth.

The leap from "salad and yogurt" to "sandwich and chips" isn't that different from "sandwich and chips" to "sandwich and fries." It's all a matter of degree once emotion starts driving the choices.

For the first time in months, instead of ignoring the dish of candy on the admin's desk, I eat a couple pieces.

I see these things happening. I know I have to exert control. I know I have to center myself.

It's time to reach into the toolbox of habits and coping mechanisms and figure out what I have handy. And if I don't have something, it's time to make something up. Because October is the wrong time to start feeling like I "deserve" to eat crappy food. I don't want to end up looking back at this season in January going, "oops."

5K PR (not as impressive as it sounds)

So I skipped my long run today, and decided to strap a number to my chest and run a shorter one. I entered my first 5K (my only previous race was a 10K) in nearby Sturbridge.

It was a small race -- 92 5K finishers. I placed, well, 82nd. Given the size of the field, I was prepared to place DFL. So, it could have been worse.



It was awesome, though, to race. Just to be in the crowd of runners, see people of all ages getting psyched up to compete and have fun, was worth it.

I have plenty of room to increase my fitness, but overall I am happy with the results. Even on the hills, I stayed running, and my overall pace was just a few seconds over 11:00, which is the pace I do my 3 mile treadmill workouts at. Considering the uneven terrain, I feel good about keeping that pace in the race.

For some inspiration, check out these relatively local 10K competitors:



Yup, Team Hoyt showed up and did the 10K version of the race. Ran pretty fast, too :). Maybe it was the energy drink they were giving away (hmm, probably not).

I didn't register early enough to get a race T-shirt, so I bought a Team Hoyt one. I look forward to wearing it on a future run.

Here, have a new team

I don't usually post about work here, not just because it's often boring, but because I really don't want to get fired over something stupid like "you put your company in a bad light on your blog" or something :).

So, excuse this gap in my fitness blogging as I talk about some interesting work happenings.

Early this week, one of my developers came to me and told me he was leaving the company to pursue a great opportunity at a Big Software Company. I'm going to miss him a lot, but I honestly hope he does well where he goes. He's a young guy, just started a family, has a lot of promise and potential. I think he's gonna make his mark no matter where he settles in.

I went to tell my manager about this, and he let me in a day early on some bigger secrets that finally were broadly communicated within the group yesterday. A peer of my manager is moving within the company, and the "decision was made" (I hate that phrase, god, could you be more transparent about shirking responsibility?) to not replace him, but to re-organize the group. The re-org makes sense, but it's still very disruptive to people.

The end result is I'm going from my team of 5, to a team of 10. Granted, one of those people is leaving in a week, but I will (hopefully) be able to replace him eventually. Not only that, it's not like I have 5 and am adding 5. I have 5, am losing 2 to another team, and getting 7 new people (who all come from the same team, so have strong pre-existing relationships).

Anybody who knows anything about managing people will tell you the interpersonal issues with a group of ten are much more complex than with a group of five. It's not just "twice the work," as these combinatorics get ugly much quicker than that. Add the complexity of their pre-existing relationships and the fact that the "legacy" team members are only going to be two out of the 9 (or 10). It's ... interesting, to say the least.

Not lost on me is the fact that I'm now responsible for two distinct new areas of the application.

Several people who have seen the news have said "congratulations" to me. The ones who "get it" say, "Oh, wow, you're gonna have a crazy month." Month? Try quarter.

See you when I come up for air in January of 08 :).

I did

I promised I'd run today, and I did.

Everything else is gravy, right? I'll write about my situation at work when I've had a few more hours to think about it. Lots going on.

No reason, just an excuse

That's what I wrote in my fitness log tonight as to why I didn't get my run in. No reason, just an excuse.

Work is really stressful this week, beyond usual, and it's just the start of what's going to be a difficult quarter. My head isn't in the game, so to speak. I can't stop thinking about stupid work stuff. I had a nagging funny pain in my ankle a few times through the afternoon, including when I went on a short walk around the building with a co-worker. On that walk, I decided, "maybe I won't run when I get home."

When I got home, and my wife asked if I was hungry, I could have said no, let me run first. But I didn't. I said "yeah," and sat down and tried to forget my workday by talking myself out and eating with my wife.

It's too late now (not technically, but I have online plans for the evening).

I feel a little bad about it, but I'm not beating myself up over it. I recognize what I should have done, what I did, and I completely know why. It's a warning sign -- my fitness is supposed to help me deal with stress, but it can't unless I give it a fair shot.

Tomorrow I run. I promise.

Falling in love, all over again

I know the rest of the country is beautiful (well, not all of it, sorry folks), but New England in the Fall brings me such joy every year that I can't imagine ever settling down anywhere else.

Fall is starting to take hold, but Summer refuses to totally relinquish its grasp. The air is crisp and cool in the morning but warms with the sun -- sweatshirts in the morning, t-shirts in the afternoon, sweatshirts again in the evening! The woods are starting to carry the odor of Autumn, but fallen leaves and pine needles are not yet fully blanketing the rocks and roots. Apples are fresh and local, including some varieties you just never see the rest of the year.

We spent the weekend in love with New England fall. Friday afternoon was a work gathering, with BBQ food and outdoor games at a state park. That evening, my brother-in-law and his family came over, bringing some homemade pies!

Saturday's plans fell through, and my wife and I spent much of the day outdoors. We went to a nearby apple orchard and got some fresh fruit, and then went for a long hike through the woods at Wells State Park. With our appetites boosted by the exertion, we went to our favorite local restaurant and ate more than we should have (and found out our regular waitress is leaving!).

Sunday was a more quiet day, with a long quiet run in the morning and an afternoon spent doing chores, watching football, and making soup out of the leftovers from Friday's dinner. I was worried after the long hike on Saturday that Sunday morning's run might be hard, but it was fine. I really do love my long run! Then, I capped off the evening with my usual Sunday night online game group, where I got a chance to chat with some friends and kill some imaginary monsters. Geeky, I know, but that's me.

So let's pretend this morning that the bathroom scale doesn't exist. Instead, I'm just thinking about how great this weekend was, and how few of these weekends we're allowed to have in our short lives.

Ow, my back

So, I pulled a muscle moving and plugging in what Tea so helpfully dubbed my footrest. It's funny how flexible and strong the human body is, and how fragile it can be at other times. I mean, a pulled muscle is no big deal, but all I did was stretch things in a way my body wasn't expecting, and I've been sore on-and-off since.

So, ow.

I shifted my running by a day this week, which means I'm supposed to do a 3-mile run on the treadmill this afternoon. However, we have my brother-in-law and his family (wife + 3 kids) coming over tonight for dinner and a movie. Whether I can run today depends on when I get home, and when they show up.

Gripping, I know.

Let's outline this weekend's perils to my waistline:
- Lunch outing at work today, to a local park for BBQ
- Family coming over tonight for dinner and movie
- Gaming at Clint's tomorrow night (we don't call it beer&pretzels gaming for nothing)

On the other hand, Jess and I have a tentative date to do something outdoorsy on Sunday. Maybe a nice hike in the early fall foliage....

New toy

I had originally told myself I'd buy a $200 tech toy for myself once I dropped beneath 200 pounds. I ended up spending a bit more than that, but my new toy finally came in the mail yesterday.



And there it is! A new subwoofer. Here you see the little troublemaker of the house (Pumpkin) sitting on it.



I got it yesterday night, and spent so much time playing with it that I skipped my run. That's ok; I got it in today instead, and can get my third run of the week in on Friday instead of Thursday.

Flexibility, people!

In related news, my back is killing me, as I pulled a muscle trying to reach an outlet behind the TV to plug this bad boy in....

Drunken Noodles

So, much to my surprise, the almighty bathroom scale did not curse at me this morning when I stepped on it. Don't get me wrong, it noted with protest the extra junk I ate this weekend, but it didn't try to use scare tactics or otherwise shock and awe me into submission.

So how do I reward it?

A peer of mine at work has just returned after a long health-related absence. We took her for Thai food at my favorite Thai restaurant, and though I lingered long over the healthier options I just couldn't deny my true favorite dish there -- the Drunken Noodles. From the menu:

Fresh wide noodles stir-fried with ground chicken, egg, onion, carrots, green peppers, basil, and scallions.

I'm not sure what they are drunk on, but it's good stuff. It's not exactly a salad and a yogurt, my usual workday meal, though....

Still, if you could taste it, you'd agree it was worth it.

Well rested and well, heavier, I'm sure

Jess and I spent the weekend in Newport RI, and we picked a stellar weekend for it! Sunny, warm but not hot, the leaves are just starting to change, the place was lively but not overbearingly crowded ... all in all, a wonderful getaway. I'd show pictures but we didn't take that many (like ... 4. I'll see how they came out).

Anyway, I ate too much, but didn't go full on insane. Still, I'm sure when I get on the scale tomorrow it'll tell me that I'm stupid and fat and lazy (oh, wait, that's what I'll read into it -- it just tells me a number).

However, we did throw on our running clothes and head out for a wonderful 3-mile run before breakfast today. The Cliff Walk was a beautiful place to run, though a little unforgiving as far as shade went. I had no problem with it, but Jess is a little spoiled by running all her runs on the treadmill with multiple fans hitting her. She's not used to having any sweat :).

I considered doing another mile after we finished our route, but decided to just stay with her and enjoy the morning together instead of splitting up after a nice time together. Not bad.

In unrelated news, apparently the Vanderbilts were pretty insanely rich.

Run, fat boy, run

No, not me -- the title is a movie coming out starring Simon Pegg (who you might recognize as Shaun in Shaun of the Dead). Check out the trailer for some running-related humor, including the title line spoken by a fit-looking Hank Azaria (whose recently-canned TV show, Huff, I still miss).

I did run, of course, after work today. I'm enjoying my new "regular" treadmill pace of 11 minute miles. 10 is still too fast, but 12 feels too slow now. Baby steps, I know.

In other entertainment news, my not-so-secret addiction to Survivor was fed this evening as I watched the first episode of their latest season. I can't get enough of this stupid show, and have been hooked through season one, through all its ups and downs. This week didn't disappoint, with all the usual trappings of a first season episode. I love the folks who say it's so much harder than they expected. It's not like this show is hard to find on TV. Just watch a couple episodes....

Makin' a post on the intervent

Nothing serious today -- just a silly video clip.



Ran my usual treadmill workout today, trying to increase my speed a bit by running intervals at a higher pace than usual. It makes the workout fly by, but man is it tough the entire time!

Weekend update

I was blown away by Tea's post about her 70.3 Tri this weekend. I don't know how someone can read that and not want to push themselves and test what they are made of.

My own weekend was nowhere near as exciting, though it was busy and fun. I drank too much Friday night (poker), drank more than a little Saturday night (gaming with friends), but ate well overall (well, mostly) and still got in my long run (another 4.8 mile neighborhood run) on Sunday. I finished the long run with plenty of strength left in the legs, which really makes me feel good about my prospects for increasing my mileage. Next weekend I'll be out of town, so I'm not sure exactly what route I'll run or how long it'll be, but when I get back I'll be running a modified neighborhood loop that goes up over 5 miles. Progress! My shortish-term goal is to get my long run to be 6 miles, and that'll be my baseline to train from for any longer races (like a theoretical half-marathon next fall).

I'm a little nervous about the coming months, just because I'm getting hooked on my long outdoor run. In a weird way, it's the highlight of my weekend. But the streets I run it on are fairly narrow, have no sidewalks, and will not be workable once it starts snowing. As soon as there are snowbanks, this route will be too dangerous to run. I guess I'll cross that bridge when that time comes. But the thought of pounding out 5-6 miles on the treadmill is a bit daunting.

In related news, I'm a card-carrying runner now. I joined a local running club! They offer free coaching, have weekly 5K runs (which are unfortunately 50+ minutes drive away), and help organize other group runs. It will be interesting to see what I can get out of it (other than discounts at the shoe store). My athletic "community" has always been virtual. Bringing it into meatspace is an interesting prospect.

Staying motivated

Recently, someone complimented me on my weight loss, and asked how I "got motivated."

Getting motivated is easy. You spend enough time trying on clothes that don't fit right, looking at pictures of yourself, and getting out of breath on easy physical tasks, and you'll get motivated.

It's staying motivated that's the hard part. This journey can be a minefield.

Here's an example. I am a social eater and drinker. I can "behave" diet-wise 7 days a week for weeks at a time, but as soon as I go out to dinner with someone, have friends over, go to a party, go to a BBQ, I have to fight this strong urge to just let loose and do "whatever." This is actually quite sustainable, as long as your special occasions stay far enough apart. But there are three big things that can make this particular behavior tough on my mental state.

First, when I had a lot more weight to lose, my Caloric needs were higher. So it is obviously easier to lose weight. When I ate "right," I was dropping 2 pounds a week. When I splurged, I was still dropping a pound. Progress was steady. Now, 45 pounds lighter, my Caloric needs are lower. My margin of error is lessened. I can easily undo 5 days of good work with 2 days of splurging, and I can perceive an undoing of 6 good days with one bad day, even if that perception isn't reality.

Second, life isn't a smooth graph. Things come in batches. In a given week there might be four "special occasions." And suddenly there are more "bad days" than good, and not only that, the bad eating on those four days threatens to become a new habit. A vacation can not just cause a loss of fitness, but can create new habits that undermine or undo progress for months to come.

Third, I no longer feel like my physical state is in "crisis" mode. I look "normal" as compared to my peers. So I feel like I should eat "normal" as compared to those same people. So if they are eating/drinking a certain amount, I automatically want to follow along. I don't feel like, "Well, I have to be more careful than they are, look how much fatter I am."

So how do I address these?

First off, there's a mental state I need to constantly stay in. This is my life. This isn't some "thing" I'm doing, this is my life. If I'm behaving in a specific way with the goal of it being sustainable only in the short term, I'm doing it wrong. So I need to mentally check on that periodically. Am I doing this right? Am I living this as a lifestyle, or as a diet? If the behavior seems short-term-focused, I need to address it. If my motivation is "to fit into these clothes," it's a motivation that will fail soon, and won't necessarily carry me any further.

Second, I keep exercising. My fitness increases with effort, even if I have an "off week" as far as diet goes. So I may get frustrated at my weight, but I find that I can run for 5 minutes longer than I could the week before, or I increase my pace on a 3-mile run by a certain amount. It gives me a place to expend effort in a positive direction no matter what. (Well, give or take injuries -- we all know how that can undermine this precarious equation.)

Third, I need to constantly work on finding a new balance. This fits into my first point, in a way. But basically we all have to seek out a balance at all times between enjoying the moment and living life in a sustainable way.

That last part is the real trick, isn't it?

September 11, 1975

Today the world (or at least our corner of it) pauses to remember September 11, 2001. I pause as well. It's impossible not to.

But 9/11 has a different meaning for me, as it does for a small chunk of the population (say, 1/3 of 1%). September 11th is Jess's birthday.

On September 11 1975, my future wife was born. On 9/11/1991, a couple months after I graduated high school, I gave her a handmade card I put together in Print Shop, which showed Uncle Sam's finger-pointing "I want you!" statement. Inside, I added, "to have a happy birthday." We weren't dating yet.

Every birthday since then, we've celebrated together. Six years ago, the events everyone else associates with 9/11 derailed our plans quite a bit. We spent the day in shock, both of us having left work and watching everything unfold live on CNN. We refused to let the day's events shut down our celebration entirely, though, and we still went out for a steak dinner. It was without a doubt the strangest dinner out I've ever had, and I hope none ever match it.

Yesterday, we had another steak dinner (a day early; we couldn't make it work tonight). And what did we look back on? Not 9/11/2001, but 9/11/1991, when an over-clever 18-year old gave his best friend's sister a slightly inappropriate birthday card. We were dating four months later, and haven't looked back since.

Happy Birthday, Jessica. They haven't stolen this day.

Long Run Sunday

We had a little last hurrah for summer heat this weekend (at least, I hope it was the last hurrah), but the heat broke overnight and today it was in the low 70s. It was stupidly humid, but it was still decent running weather. I went for my long run today, and felt incredible the whole time.

Sometimes, a run feels like a chore. You're putting one foot in front of the other, you're tired, you're hot, you're sweating, you're hungry, you're thirsty, you've got a little pain in your foot, you're distracted by worrying about work, you're wondering what's for supper, you're micromanaging your distance and pace, you're annoyed at how your shoes fit, you're sick of the song on the iPod, etc.

Other days, it's like it was today (let's not lie, the first mile was a little bit difficult, but it always is tough to start a cold engine). You feel strong, you feel light, you feel fast. You hit hills with determination instead of dread. You look up at the world as it comes, instead of down at your feet. Your eyes are wide open. You view distance and discomfort as challenges and rise to them.

4.8 miles, today. I took the 4.5 mile run I've done the past couple weeks and added a small extra loop onto it. It gives me a short hill in the last half mile, and it feels great to come down off that hill and know the finish is so close. I think it'll be my new default long route ... until I add more.

Like I said. I felt indestructible today. The way I felt today is why I run.

I'll try and remember that when my knees are crying first thing in the morning tomorrow :).

Two Hundred

Hollywood made the number 300 famous this year, but I fortunately never hit the 300 pound mark. Back in February I started taking my fitness more seriously, tracking my weight, exercise, and food intake on a daily basis. I weighed 245 when I started (245 and a half, but who's counting?).

Today, 200.

All my adult life, I've been hanging around at heavier weights than this. Sometimes 210, sometimes 230. Last time I was seriously running, I managed to drop below this weight and hold it for a few months, but that's it. And here I am again.

It makes me a little nervous. I know how easy it is to ditch the good habits and start bad ones. But we learn primarily from our mistakes, and I've made enough of them to learn a lot. I know what I'm doing differently this time. I know that mentally, I'm in better shape than I was at the peak of my running last time around. The body has to follow -- it has no choice.

Defining success

Yesterday evening, we drove out to a family cookout. The traffic turned an hour's drive into two, and of course made us an hour late. We arrived hungry and stressed out, and probably ate more than we should have. Such is life.

But later, sitting around a small fire, chatting with relatives, all was well in the world. Funny how a couple hours with family, a little baby's smile, the undisguised admiration of your 11-year old nephew, and a rousing game of whiffle ball can make everything seem much better.

My wife's aunt asked me to explain what I do for a living. It's hard to explain software development to someone, and explaining that you manage a software team isn't that much easier. "Ok, so what do they do?" Heh. But she asked me if, when I was younger, I ever expected to be "this successful."

I'm not sure exactly what she was referring to. And I wasn't sure how to answer. Looking back at it, though, I think I have found success. Just perhaps not in the way she meant.

Sometimes it's not about what you achieve, but what you reach for. I feel like, this year, I've found a way to reach for the things in life which matter to me. And that has nothing to do with how big of a paycheck I bring home, or what I do from 9 to 5.

Did I ever think I would find that kind of success? No. I don't think as a teenager you really have that kind of grasp on reality. But that's not an easy answer to give someone, is it? So I just settled for "I don't know, really."

(Workout progress this week is a long run, a fast run, and an upper-body workout. On schedule so far!)

New look, Fitness update

I spent a little time today tidying up the blog, looking at some new templates and trying to find a look I liked. I plan to keep making small changes. I hope you like what you see.

I've taken the past two days off from exercise, and it's downright bizarre. I feel like something is missing out of the day. I plan to get back on board the exercise train before it goes back to being the other way around!

My plan for the month of September is roughly:

3 runs per week.
Try for one longer than the other two, and if I feel up to it, make one faster than the other two too.I know I should buckle down and learn about all the different kind of runs (tempo runs, paces, heart rates, etc), but right now I'm just looking to improve my base running ability and experiment with what I'm able to do. Maybe I'll change my mind and formalize it a bit, but for now, that's my plan.

2 Walk/Bodyweight days per week.
I know that formal weight training will do more for me than a few pushups and situps will, but without equipment and without the drive to get equipment, I figure it's better than nothing. I like what I've been accomplishing with a simple bodyweight workout, so I'm going to keep it up for another month and see where it takes me.

1 flex day per week.
With temperatures dropping and bugs dying off, it's time to start hiking again. Or, perhaps, it's time to start thinking about raking. Either way, I figure there's going to be a day a week where I'll sneak in some activity that isn't "measured" exercise but isn't sitting on my butt either. On the other hand, if my flex day is not very active, I won't cry any tears over it.

1 rest day per week.
Our bodies need some rest. I will probably get mine on Mondays.

Thirty-One Days

On August 1, I posted my crazy exercise idea for the month. Do something active every single day, for 31 days.

Today, I had to decide between running (what I wanted to do) and mowing the lawn (what would make my weekend better). I went with the lawn. 90 minutes of pushing, pulling, shoving, and purposeful walking later, my Augustathon was complete.

A rough breakdown of days:

• 4 Lawn-Mowing
• 8 walks
• 12 Runs
• 7 Bodyweight (all included walks as well)

I sort-of expected more runs, but that works out to roughly 3 a week. Considering I was going on zero substantial rest, I think that's a fair amount.

I ran both faster and further than I have in 2 years. I brought my bodyweight routine to 30 pushups and 60 situps, and I'm not sure who was more surprised by that - myself, or my wife. I pushed myself, but avoided injury. I learned a lot about what I'm made of, and why I shouldn't settle for less than something great out of myself.

Thanks to the folks who kept an eye on me, both here and in meatspace. Jess, you thought I was nuts, but in the end you were nothing but encouraging and helpful. Jank and Tea, your words of encouragement and frequent blog visits meant a lot to me. I look forward to staying in touch with both of you.

I'll post soon about what my fitness goals are for September. For now, I'm taking a day or two off!

Economics of being a geek

(this post isn't about running ... though I did get my workouts in yesterday [walk/upper-body] and today [another "faster" treadmill run])

My wife and I used to joke that I had an endless supply of toys I would want to buy in the $200 price range. She buys clothes, shoes, handbags, desk organizers, all kinds of stuff. But she buys it cheap, like "I got this tank top for 3 bucks" cheap. I, on the other hand, will go 6 months without spending any money on myself, and then turn around and declare I need a new video card for the computer, and it's going to cost $200.

What I noticed the other day, though, was that my little wish list had gotten more expensive. I now had an endless list of $3-500 things, and a few that cost more than that. My wish list video card isn't $200 any more, it's $400. My wishlist monitor is $500. I catch myself looking at a used casino-quality poker chip set at $440 and thinking it's affordable. I catch myself pricing 1080p projectors that cost 4x as much as 720p projectors. Etc.

Why?

Because I'm a geek. I research all kinds of crap. So when I read about something that costs $200, I can always find someone who can convince me that if I just spend $300, I'll be getting much better of a deal. And I know that if I can afford $200, I can probably afford $300, so ....

It's important to recognize this kind of thing. Because you don't need to be a geek about everything you spend money on. If I took the same approach I take to consumer electronics to, say, fashion, I'd probably be wearing $200 jeans instead of these Levi's I got on sale at Target for $20.

The fact is, sometimes the difference between $20 and $200 is night and day, and it's worth $200 to experience that. It's important to know when to stop that progression, though. It's important to know when to say no.

I am a runner

So, Monday's sabotage didn't end my exercise Augustathon. No sir!

I got home, had a light dinner, relaxed for a half hour, and then went down to the treadmill and ran my usual treadmill workout, at a slightly faster pace than usual. I was challenged but not beaten by the workout, and it was a huge ego boost to run the whole workout at a higher pace than usual.

In related news, my wife picked up some new running shoes and grabbed me a pair of "real" running shorts. I tried not to feel like a fraud as I was gave them a test run. :)

I had another moment of revelation yesterday, though. I was driving my mother to the grocery store, and as I rounded a corner and started to drive down a hill, a runner was running along the side of the road. This woman looked beaten, exhausted, spent, and yet fast, fit, and determined. She was making it up this hill come hell or high water. And instead of thinking, "What is that crazy woman doing?" I though, "You can do it!" I identified with the myriad of complex emotions on her face, her body language, her obvious strength and exhausted stance.

I don't know what kind of runner she was (I suspect her talent far outpaces mine), but I felt in that instant that we shared something. We spoke the same secret language, even if we speak it in vastly different dialects.

I always shy from saying I'm a runner. I say things like, "I'm doing some running to help get in better shape" or "I like to run sometimes."

Bah, to hell with that. I saw it yesterday. I'm a runner.