One of the major themes in my life is control. I have a host of small neuroses which revolve around my control over my environment, for example, but that's not what I'm talking about.
I go through phases, where I feel like I'm in control of my life ... and I go through phases where I feel like I'm swept up in a tide. There are times where month after month the bills come in and I know what's coming, and I'm content with how I'm managing the finances. Other times, I'll get a bill and realize I had no idea I spent that much money the previous month.
Right now, I feel like I'm dangerously close to that boundary when it comes to my diet. I recognize some dangerous behaviors and I'm trying to exert control on them before I get caught up in them. Work is getting very stressful, and I'm noticing when I go to lunch in the cafeteria, instead of the salad and yogurt I'm getting a sandwich and a bag of baked Lays. It's not that a sandwich and a bag of chips is an unhealthy lunch. It's that I didn't make a conscious choice to have that. I went into the cafeteria and without knowing it, let my emotions drive my choice, and ended up "treating" myself, specifically because I was frustrated, tired, and so forth.
The leap from "salad and yogurt" to "sandwich and chips" isn't that different from "sandwich and chips" to "sandwich and fries." It's all a matter of degree once emotion starts driving the choices.
For the first time in months, instead of ignoring the dish of candy on the admin's desk, I eat a couple pieces.
I see these things happening. I know I have to exert control. I know I have to center myself.
It's time to reach into the toolbox of habits and coping mechanisms and figure out what I have handy. And if I don't have something, it's time to make something up. Because October is the wrong time to start feeling like I "deserve" to eat crappy food. I don't want to end up looking back at this season in January going, "oops."