The great outdoors

I went for my first outdoor run in ages yesterday, and it was a complex experience.

As I've discussed here, I've had some challenges with completing the C25K this time around.  While I've been improving my fitness, I have not lost any weight; I've struggled with getting the necessary dietary changes as part of my habits, and honestly have been more concerned with keeping up the exercise than worrying about avoiding french fries.

In fact, I never finished the C25K.  I couldn't do it.  I transitioned to a modified training plan, doing run/walk sets in a 4:1 ratio.  So, to "run" half an hour, I would do six sets of four-minute runs and one-minute walks.  I've been increasing the overall time spent doing this, from four sets to six, but am still topping out at a slow half-hour of this. I'm not really at the necessary endurance to complete a 5K.

It's been frustrating, but I also know the point of this journey is the journey, not the destination.  Every minute I spend active is a minute well spent.  It's just sometimes hard to remember this when your legs are cramping, you're out of breath, and you've only covered two miles, and you distinctly remember running more than five with less perceived discomfort.

With temperatures in the mid-70s, I decided I wasn't going to confine myself to the treadmill but rather hit the road.  I laced up, no watch, no phone, no expectations, and walked to the end of my street and then began a slow run down the roads I used to run back when I was doing this more regularly.  It felt good at first, and the weather was really rewarding me for my effort.  The air was warm but dry, and the breeze carried the smells of the wild grapes, fallen leaves, and the last mowing of the season.  Some of the trees were fully blazing, but most remained green.  It was an odd but entirely pleasant combination of late summer and early fall.

That beautiful part of the run lasted less than five minutes, though.  The pain started up in my shins (as opposed to my calves, where it tends to be on the treadmill) and got more and more severe.  I finally transitioned to a walk, and hobbled down the road a bit until the pain subsided.  I felt really awful, mentally, even as the pain disappeared.  I was frustrated and angry with myself, annoyed with where I've let myself get physically, doubting my mental strength -- the whole nine.

But I refused to give in, and began another slow jog.  I continued this unmeasured interval effort for about two and a half miles.  Somewhere in the middle of this, I stopped feeling frustrated and started enjoying the time for what it was.  I paused a moment and looked out at the pond.  I took deep breaths of the odd warm fall air.  I remembered runs from years gone by.  I let my mind wander, wondering what was up a path that led into the woods.

Something about the experience forced the issue in my mind.  I don't honestly care if I'm a runner or not.  But I know what makes me feel complete, physically.  I need to feel that I have range.  There's a mix of endurance and confidence that I need in my life.  I need to be able to look at a spot and know that I can get there under my own power and not be a wreck when I arrive.

I also need the outdoors.  This has never been about how long I can sweat on a treadmill.  It's about the roads, the hills, the pines, the wildlife, the pond.  It's about solitude, about feeling a part of something big and wondrous.  It's about the same things that drive me now to the hobbies I fled from as a young man -- fishing and hunting. 

It's not about running.  Running is how I've gotten there in the past, and maybe it's how I'll get there again.  But if I figure out a way to maintain my fitness and all I can be is a long-distance walker and hiker, I will still know I've succeeded if I can stand outside, look at a distant point and say, "I wonder what I can see from over there," and go find out.

Week 5, Day 1 Complete

I mentioned in the last post that I had just completed the 9th workout in the C25K program.  For those doing the math, that's the end of week three.  Today I did the first workout in week 5 ... and yet more than  a week has passed, right?

Right.

I don't know if it's that I'm older, heavier, and less flexible than last time I did this, but I had a major setback when I started week four.  Week four contains two 5-minute runs and two 3-minute runs, with walks in between.  As I closed out my final 5-minute run on W4D1, my leg cramped up so bad I had to get off the treadmill.  I couldn't stand.  I tried to walk it off and get back on the mill, but I just couldn't.  It wasn't just pain, it was incredible cramping and tightness.  My leg didn't feel right for a full day.

I tried that workout three times.  I failed each time, with the same problem, at varying times in the workout.  It was depressing, but watching my wife's continued progress on the program kept me looking for a way to get better.

I tried a couple things to change it up, primarily involving slowing down and adding some stretching mid-workout.  I did that a couple times, until the cramping had turned into "mild discomfort".  Then I went back to week three, and did the whole of week three 10% slower than I had run it the last time.

With that under my belt, I kept the new slower pace and advanced to and completed week four.  And now the first workout of week five is complete.

It's mentally very hard to slow down this much, but even this speed is infinitely faster than sitting on the couch. And as my lovely wife points out, you can always speed up.  The right endurance, though, is the necessary foundation.  Get the endurance down first, and then worry about your speed.

And your ego.

Rapidly Approaching 38

I am very close now to my 38th birthday.  My birthdays have historically been when I am in life-evaluation mode; rather than new year's resolutions I tend to set goals for the next year around my birthday.

So where am I at 38?  Struggling in some areas, coasting in others, and loving still others.  A lot is different at 38 than it was at 30 -- I have new hobbies, new responsibilities. 

38 is a tricky age.  With two years to 40, there's plenty of time to change a lot.  But it's also the case that my adult life has had plenty of time to harden.  A lot of "who I am" has a lot of intertia at this point.  I am unlikely to suddenly become an excellent craftsman who has no fear of putting in his own windows or building his own deck, let's say.  If I haven't acquired a taste for red wine by now, I probably won't.  Same with olives.  Sorry.  Nor am I likely to stop watching football, or drinking beer.  Or drinking beer while watching football.  So it goes.

But there's also a tipping point here -- I can do a lot in the next two years to define how I look back on my 30s, and set a real stage for my 40s and beyond.  It's never too late to start something great.

And that's why today, I ran the 9th workout of the 27-workout couch-to-5k program.  It's the best program I know of to get me back on my feet.  That's why I have set a goal, and am telling people about it, of running in the Hot Chocolate run this year, in early December.

Just reviewing my recent posts here tells me a lot about my love/hate relationship with fitness.  But the thread that runs through it all is running.  Ever since my first 30-minute run, I've never felt "right" when I couldn't do them at will.  So it's time to remind myself how it feels.

Slow but progressing

It's been nearly a month since my first post of 2011.  The treadmill is set up (again), but I have yet to do my first run of 2011. Most of my exercise this year has come from clearing snow -- something about that kind of "real work" makes me not want to stand and run in place.  We'll get there.

Where the progress is being made is in food choices.  Both my wife and I are taking this seriously and making an effort, using the same methods.  We've had success in the past, each with different approaches, but sharing our approach has made it much easier to shop and plan meals.

I'm down ten pounds this year so far.  I'm missing my junk food, but not missing those ten pounds.  I am looking forward to having a smaller frame when it's time to put on the lighter layers of clothes this Spring. 

Whenever that comes.  Right now it feels forever away....

What's new for 2011?

July 2010 was my last post here?  That's kind of scary.  As someone whose most prolific posting periods are around fitness work, it's clear what that means -- very little progress on the fitness front in the second half of 2010.

But 2011 is here, and with it perhaps some new goals and action plans.

I'm not looking to set weight loss goals here, but I am frustrated with where I am and know I need to make some changes.  I want to make strides in my endurance, strength, flexibility, and overall capability.  My minimum acceptable standard is being able to run 3 miles at will.  I'm not there, any more.  I've been there, and there's a strong correlation between being there and feeling happy, confident, and accomplished.  Getting there will require recouping some lost fitness.  Along that road I want to pay some attention to my core strength, balance, and flexibility. 

I think it will be interesting to write here, on this blog, a bit more often.  I know I have things I sometimes want to write about, which don't fit my family blog, or my professional blog.  So hiding them here is a nice way to get them out of my system :).  We'll see.

Sabotage

I talked in my last post about humility, track records, achievable goals, and all that.

Today, as I work through lunch, I am reminded of this.

The week I posted, I ran three times.
The next week, I ran once.  Stuff "came up" and ate up the time I blocked away for those runs.

I swore that wouldn't happen this week.  I looked at my calendar and was sure I'd have time to run.

And here I am, during the time I'm supposed to be running, cramming down a turkey sandwich in front of my computer.  "Something came up" at work and it demands my attention.  Maybe I'll finish this all up in time to steal away for a run, but I doubt it. 

This is how we lose this game.  One hour at a time.

It occurs to me as I write this that I've never figured out the secret to making time to run.  When my life is operating at a healthy pace, I have time to run. When things get out of control, running somehow falls away ... and that's when I need it most.

The unhappy truth may well be that I need to step way outside my comfort zone.  Run at 5:30 in the morning, or 9:30 at night ... because my lunch hour disappears pretty quick when work gets crazy, and in this job, it's crazy more weeks than it's sane.

I should know better

Let's just say that I am completely humbled by my own ability to discard lessons learned and regress in areas of fitness. 

This week I have gone for two runs (with a healthy dose of walking inserted). 

Past performance is not an indicator of future results.  But.  It feels good to be out there.

I realized something over the past few weeks.  My diet, my weight loss, these are important. I hate not fitting into the clothes I worked so hard to fit into.  But exercise is vital.  It's a canary in a coal mine -- if I'm not exercising, other things are probably also suffering.  My dietary success is always built upon my exercise success.  My mental health, my ability to cope with stress at home and at work is directly proportional to the regularity of my exercise.

It all came together when I saw some friends this weekend who have done such a kickass job at sticking with their fitness regimens.  I sat there envying them for at least an hour before I realized that a lot of what they had was within my reach, and all I had to do was make the decision to put on my shoes and walk out the door instead of firing up my video game when my daughter went down for her mid-day nap on Sunday.

So I did.

And I did it again today.

Of course, setting goals is important ... but right now my goal is to go for another run.  Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Putting my chips into the pot

I've been dancing around the subject of getting serious with my fitness for the past few weeks, playing games, dipping my toes in the water and backing away.

The spring weather we've had here over the past week though has straightened my priorities out. It seems to have had a similar effect on my wife.  So we're both putting aside the half-ass attempts and getting more serious -- with what has worked for us in the past and what we know we have to do now.

In a game of cards, there's a time when you say, ok, this hand is worth sticking with for a while, let's see where it goes. You decide you're okay with doing more than just anteing up and folding when things get serious.

It's time to put a few more chips at risk and let your opponents know you're serious. 

So I'm raising.

Goals - Week 2

So, the first week of my experiment had these goals.  I've added my comments and "grade" for each.

Salad for lunch, MWF.  1/3.
I ate salad on Monday, a vegetarian soup on Wednesday, and went out for Thai food on Friday.

Fruit snack every workday afternoon.  4/5.
I forgot my fruit one day, but otherwise had no problem with this one.

 No beer Sunday - Thursday.  5/5!
Success!  This is about Calories not alcohol, as I'm not trying to alter my drinking habits for any other reason. 

Three walks.  0/3
That's right, a big fat zero.  I've been overbooked at work and busy at home, with some home repairs and a toddler teething and ... well, these are all lousy excuses.

Total: 10/16 (62.5%)

Plenty of room to improve.  Plus I ate too much fried food and too many sweets. 

So, my goals for next week?  Let's change it a little bit...  Fine tune the goals and add a different area of focus.

• Salad for lunch, 2 days of 3 (MWF).
• Fruit snack every workday afternoon, and no vending machine cookies.
• No beer Sunday - Thursday.
• 2 walks
• Only permitted 2 deep-fried foods.

Iterative self-development

I set up some goals for myself this week ... it's a little game I am going to play to try and stay motivated.  Each week I will set some small goals and just focus on achieving them, and not sweat the big picture.  Not yet.  Get some small victories under my belt first.

My goals for this week:

• Eat salad for lunch Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
• To have fruit for snacks every workday afternoon.
• No beer Sunday - Thursday.
• Go for 3 "real" walks, indoors or out.

It doesn't sound like much but it's a few bricks in a row, and that's what I feel I need right now.

Today's progress: Salad and yogurt for lunch - check.  Apple for mid-afternoon snack, bypassing the candy on the admin's desk - check.

Honest surprise

This weekend, I was looking glumly out my kitchen window when my wife asked me what was wrong.

"I'm just surprised ... at how much damage the holidays did to my healthy habits."

It's become crystal clear to me that month-long breaks from healthy habits are akin to pressing the reset button.  A couple weeks of half-assing it trying to get them back isn't cutting it.  I've actually gained a pound in those two weeks.

So back to basics.  Start counting everything.  Set some goals, work towards them, handle exceptions by the meal not by the day or, horrifically, by the week.  The "this week is a mess anyway" may work between Christmas and New Years but writing off the entire time between your in-law's coming over for dinner and, say, the superbowl, is definitively awful.

Today's weight: 206.5
Next goal: 199.5
Summer goal: sub-190, maintained

Let's get cracking.

Reality check

I went into the end of 2009 having achieved my weight loss and fitness goals and making a conscious choice not to fret about these things too much during the last two weeks of the year -- my vacation from work.  Obviously I hadn't been paying too much attention in the first two weeks of December either, as I was in a kind of post-Thanksgiving and pre-Christmas funk.  But it wasn't the full-on vacation I allowed myself at the close of the year.

Anyway, now as I return to work I also return to "fretting" :).

So in the interest of transparency, here's the damage done in December 2009:

• I put on five pounds in the month of December.  
• I'm up about nine pounds from my absolute lowest (pre-Thanksgiving) point in 2009.
• (On the plus side, I'm still down nearly 30 pounds from my peak weight in 2009)
  
• I have not run in three weeks.

The last one worries me, because it happened so easily.  A lot went on, and I can list a dozen excuses, but I know that if I were in training for an event I would have made time to run.  I didn't.  I also know that my fitness goals for 2010 might be unrealistic -- I had hoped to increase my mileage throughout the winter but now I think aiming to maintain my mileage is more realistic. 

I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions.  But being back from vacation is a good time to refocus on goals and reprioritize.

Vacation is over.  Time to start paying attention to portions again and making time to run.  Let's see where I am in a few weeks and re-evaluate my goals accordingly....

Sneaking in a run

I often use the phrase "sneak in a run" when I'm trying to find time to exercise in a busy day when my other obligations might make getting a run in difficult.

It's a bit of verbal trickery, as if I can convince myself that a run is like a cookie or a beer, something to be enjoyed on the sly, a guilty pleasure.

If you're wondering, it really doesn't work.  But I keep trying. 

Today hopefully I can sneak in a run during lunch.

Update on yesterday's post

The chip times are now out for the Hot Chocolate Run. My estimates were correct -- our chip time was 46:07, which puts us at a 14:51 pace. My wife was hoping to not exceed a 15:00 pace, and while she hoped to get closer to 14:00 she was going to be content if she hit 15:00. Given the hills I'm thrilled she managed to stay on her pace!

Congratulations to Jessica and many thanks to Tina, as well as Steve/Brenda/Tom/Joe/Shy for coming out and making the race a success.

Also, we couldn't have done this without Jess's mom, who babysat the night before and during the race.

Hot Chocolate Race Report

This weekend, I ran the Hot Chocolate Run to benefit Safe Passage. This is a 5K run/walk event to benefit a domestic violence charity, run in my old home town of Northampton. This was its sixth running and over 4000 people participated, raising $90,000.

This race was not about me, nor about my fitness. It was about my wife. When she started running again after a baby-induced hiatus, she realized she wanted to set a race as a training goal. She signed up for this one, with her cousin (who was on a similar post-baby fitness plan). I joined in as well, and promised to run with them. This was my third road race, and their first.

The weekend of the race was interesting for a number of reasons, but I'll confine this post to the race itself. We arrived early (8:30 for a 10 AM race), and paced around outside in the cloudy 30-degree weather. The air was damp and there was an intermittent breeze that made it feel cooler than 30. We paced around outside, watching the super-fit run around to loosen up. We did half-hearted stretches and watched the crowds fill in. The atmosphere was festive with loud music, energetic announcers, and costumed competitors.

We dashed off to register my wife's brother and his entire family, who had decided at the last minute to run as well. They arrived as the crowds were getting thick, and soon afterwards the walkers departed on their 2-mile route. This race separates the walkers from the runners, which means that nobody is walking the 5K. Unlike many casual fun runs, you won't find people walking the entire 5K route. Anybody walking is someone who intended to run but isn't running at the moment.

With a sizable portion of the crowd gone, we started to get excited. There were 8 of us, all together, with varying degrees of fitness and experience. Some ran off to use the bathrooms (I saw the line and figured it was only a 5K and I could hold it!), some started chowing down on the cookies which were set out for post-race snacks (figuring perhaps they'd be all gone by the time we got back). I tried to make sure my wife was okay and not too nervous, while keeping an eye out for anyone I might know (didn't see any) and generally feeling motivated by being in the presence of so many fit competitors.

We self-placed in the chute at the "32:00+" mark. My wife's projected chip time was closer to 45:00, which was a shock to our extended family, who were thinking more like 30-35:00. Her cousin and I both knew her projected time, though, and we lined up with that pace in mind. Of course, it's telling that there's no placement difference in the chute between 35:00 and 45:00.

The energy in the chute was contagious. The music over the PA was getting livelier, people were dancing in place, clapping their hands, laughing and joking. We were all wearing ear-warmers and gloves, and the sky was starting to spit tiny snowflakes on us. We were all smiles.

Shortly after 10 AM, the cheers erupted as the runners surged forward. It took us almost five minutes to clear the chute and pour out onto the street. Our first obstacle was dead ahead -- a 500-foot section of road with about 50 feet of vertical climb. The steepest hill of the race was in the first quarter mile, and Jessica was completely unprepared. Though she had done some outdoor training, the majority of her runs had been on flat ground. She ran up the hill and completely out of gas; over the next relatively flat half-mile, most of the people who started behind us passed us. I realized before we passed mile one that there was a real possibility we'd finish last.

There was a certain freedom in accepting that. I realized my job was to keep my wife's spirits up as she powered through what for her was probably her toughest run ever. Having been pushed beyond my limits in my first race and having it almost ruin me from running, I knew I had to take a different approach.

I carried her gloves and her outermost sweatshirt, I advised her of her pace when she asked (I was wearing the Garmin), I told her distance numbers when she asked, and I offered occasional words of encouragement. But I didn't push. I couldn't help it, though -- this was a walking pace for me, and her cousin was used to running faster as well. So we were able to maintain an easy conversation, and did -- we remarked on when certain businesses had been sold and changed, talked about things we saw on the road, joked about the snow, and so on. But we kept our pace in check and tried to be encouraging without pressuring her.

The second mile was mainly recovery from the first. We got back into the pace which my wife had expected to run, but it was apparent how much harder it was than she expected. Near us, a man ran with his young daughter. She would sprint as fast as she could, exhaust herself, and ask to be carried. He would stop, pick her up, and trudge along until she asked to be put down. In this way they would leapfrog past us, and then we past them. We laughed when she would race past us; clearly she was "racing" while we were just running! Somewhere behind us a pair of middle-aged women ran with a runner in a full-body turtle costume. Not far from us, another pair of women were doing run/walk swaps. Other than these half-dozen people, though, we felt alone on the course. We passed occasional volunteers who were closing up their stations.

The third mile was the heart-breaker. We turned up a familiar road from our years in Northampton and ran through the campus of Smith College. It's a long slow uphill, nearly a hundred feet of climb in about three quarters of a mile. It's even worse than that, though, as the first hill ends with a slight downhill, before the last, steeper section begins. Jess had to walk a few times as the hill got rough, and to make things worse we began seeing people who had finished the race walking away from downtown and to who-knows-where. While they shouted encouragement it added to the feeling of separation from the rest of the racers.

We turned from Smith College onto Main Street, and the number of people along the road increased dramatically. Many shouted encouragement, "It's all downhill from here," and we put on our bravest faces and promised to run the rest of the way. We steadily increased our pace as we got closer to the finish. We knew there were a couple people behind us, and we vowed not to let them get by.

Of course, only in Northampton would a race to benefit a domestic violence charity get disrupted by anti-war protesters. A group of marchers in full black cloaks and white masks beating drums and waving signs crossed the street and threatened to block our path. Jess said, in dead earnest, "If they get in my way, I'm knocking them over." One of the women right behind us said, "I'll help." The marchers wisely waited for us to pass before resuming, so violence was averted.

There was one last moment of panic as the volunteers had already left this area and the police had removed the traffic cones as well. We weren't sure if we were supposed to turn down one side street or the next, and the man with his daughter was heading towards the second. We shouted to people milling around wearing race numbers, "Which way is it?" They pointed us down the first street, and we turned just in time, shouting to our leapfrogging partner. Our final few hundred feet were down the same hill that broke Jess at the start. She ran with all her heart, and we pounded through the chute to the cheering of the remaining spectators.

Our clock time was around 51:00. While our chip times aren't finalized yet, I suspect we will be around 46:00. Based on gun time results, 7 racers finished after us. Our extended family, who had bolted ahead at the start, finished 10 to 15 minutes ahead of us. But if my guess on chip time is right, we finished just a few minutes behind Jess's target time, which is great considering how unprepared she was for the hills.

But none of that mattered. Moments later, as we drank water and ate orange slices, we were just three more finishers among a happy crowd. We had set a goal as a family and worked towards it, and achieved it. And we're already scouting spring races and talking about training through the winter.

(On a personal note, my outdoors hilly run route definitely prepared me for this course. Combined with the pace, I finished the race feeling light on my feet and itching for more. It was definitely motivating, not in a "you have to get better" way but in a "look what you've accomplished, don't let it go away again" way. Having run in two large races and a small one, I definitely prefer the huge crowds. I'm scouting races and feeling disappointed when I see less than 200 people in most of them. So it goes.)

Trotting along

Last week, fighting off a cold and still suffering residual back pain from leaf raking, I took it fairly easy running. And so it was on Sunday that I gazed out at the brisk November air and hungered for a nice long run.

And I got one.

I walk to the end of my short side street, and I can turn left or right. I always turn left, and start my run. It runs straight for a half mile or so, and then has a few bends before it connects with a major road. I always turn around in the same spot, before it gets dangerous due to proximity to the main road, and head back along the same road and run past my side street. This completes the first leg of my run. By now I am feeling good; the hardest part of the run is over, not in terms of terrain but in terms of willpower. My body is moving now, my brain has stopped thinking about what else it could be doing, and I've made progress - roughly 1.5 miles of progress, actually.

The next leg of my run starts as I breeze past my own road and then turn left on a different side street, which loops up a small hill. I climb the steep but short hill, and then gently descend back to the street I started on. Turning left here keeps me running further from home and really sets the stage for the second leg of my run. The hill is out of the way, and what I have now is a run alongside a big pond. This is a pro and a con ... on the nice side, it's beautiful. I often see herons, people fishing in boats, wonderful views across the pond, and my mind is at peace. On the bad side, it's a narrow stretch of road with not much room for navigation, and on windy days the breeze coming off the pond can be heavier than you'd think.

A major decision point comes during the second leg of my run. How far do I go? Once I turn around, the third leg starts -- running home. I can stop any time I want, and there's a certain perverse joy that arises from pushing further and further from home. Sunday, I ran as far as I've ever run down that road, up a really punishing hill to another main road.

I turn around and start back down towards home. This third leg begins with a steep and long downhill, which tempts me to run too fast and really pressures my legs. Soon, though, the downhill is over and I'm back by the pond. Running past the pond on the way home is always beautiful but since I know I'm running home now my body starts to think it can get away with complaining more loudly. By the time I clear the pond and enter the final third-mile or so, I'm really ready for the run to be over. The route contains a subtle uphill during that last stretch, which always feels so much worse at the end of the run than at the start.

I turn the corner and begin walking at my own side street. I push the button on the Garmin and it tells me I've done 4.25 miles.

I've run further than that, but not this year. Not only that, but the only way I've run further than that (while living here) is by tacking unnecessary loops and such onto my route. This is the core of my longest running route. If I can do this, I can do the longer version of this run.

It was with a huge sense of accomplishment that I walked up my porch steps and back into the house Sunday.

No news is not news

When someone who primarily writes about fitness stops writing for a week-plus, you would be forgiven for assuming said writer had fallen hard off the wagon and was too ashamed to write about it.

That's not precisely the story here -- there's just not much to say of late that is interesting. I wrenched my back a bit doing yardwork and caught a mild cold, and so my running the past couple weeks hasn't been exactly breaking new ground. I'm still doing okay when it comes to diet, but again, mostly treading water.

Things are going just about as I'd expect them to, given the circumstances and my particular goals.

And while that's not terrible, it's not exactly newsworthy either. And, to be honest, there is some frustration on my part that I'm stagnating. And a bit of a reality check ... this is how easy it is to stagnate. Just a bit more lax and I'd stop stagnating and start losing fitness. Kind of scary how fast it happens.

Now, I could sit here and write about my latest computer game obsession, Dragon Age: Origins. Now there's an area where I'm making real progress ;).

Distracted

It's been a bit crazy at work lately, and I've been pouring a lot of mental energy into solving some issues there instead of thinking about my own fitness. With my short-term weight goal achieved and a clear plan for my running, I haven't had the same drive I've been relying on to keep me on track over the past few months.

In other words, I've been a bit slack on the diet end, coming up with all kinds of excuses. The results are speaking for themselves -- a solid week-plus at more or less the same weight, with my trendline beginning to creep into the "gain" rather than "lose."

What's important for me to remember is that while there are numerous "go ahead and splurge"moments scattered throughout the holiday season, the only way to come out of the season with momentum is to treat each such moment as just that -- a moment. If I let them become habits I'm going to starting 2010 headed in the wrong direction.

I write this here, in public, because it's important to remind myself of these things, and what better reminder is there than this?

The situation at work is sorted out. The Halloween candy is out of the house. Distractions should be at a minimum for a week or two....

No runs this weekend; too busy doing yardwork and nursing back pain afterward. My back is a traitor to my cause. Weight this morning was up two pounds from my recent low and 1.5 pounds from my 2009 holiday maintenance goal.

It feels so good to stop

Neil Peart, when describing long-distance cycling, says it reminds him of a man who beats his head against the wall, and when his doctor asks him why he does it, he says it's because it feels so good when he stops.

There are moments of true joy in running, but (in my limited experience) none of them beat the moment when your run is complete. You did everything you set out to do, your heart finally begins to slow down, your legs understand that you're done abusing them, and the incessant "thump thump thump" noise of your feet hitting the road finally stops. You realize that the thing you were half-dreading is finally over, and you are filled with satisfaction and empowerment.

Some days it feels great to run, some days it feels awful, but it always feels awesome when I stop.

Of course, that only works if you start. It's hard to remind your body of that when you're trying to psych yourself into lacing up and heading out the door....

Update: 3.5 miles during lunch today, longest run of the year for me. Heart rate was higher than I'd like. Splurged a bit on sweets around Halloween but nothing disastrous; just enough to keep my weight hovering around the same number for a week now.

Kicking off the holidays

First off, let's get this out of the way. I am so glad I committed to running a race in December. Knowing I have a fitness goal is going to be so useful in November. I should find one in January to help survive Christmas while I'm at it.

We've already had some snowfall (yes it melted immediately but that's not the point), Sam Adams Octoberfest tempts me at every turn, Halloween is in full swing (funny how goes from being a day to a "season" when you're a parent), and my brain is already daydreaming in its idle moments of roaring fireplaces, turkeys, and apple pies.

In other words, the holiday season has begun. And it doesn't end until a week into January at least (when the last "we never got together at Christmas, so let's catch up next week" meeting happens), and you could argue it stretches all the way through the superbowl....

I can't stress enough how important it is for me to have a strong running program during these months....

With my Couch-to-5K runs complete I'm now ramping up my run times and distance. The past couple runs have been 3 miles at about a 12:00 pace. I want to keep that pace and increase the distance to 4 miles over the next few weeks. I need to be able to run at this pace for 45 minutes or so. Then, I will begin specializing my runs:

• one long run a week which can be slower but will continue to grow to 5, 6 miles and beyond
• one fast run a week which is only 30-ish minutes and which will push my pace closer to 10:00
• one normal run a week which is at a comfortable pace for 45 minutes

I'm not there yet, but that's my plan. Adding a fourth run is possible but not a priority.

As for my fitness, my weight is where I want it to be through the end of the year. Honestly I'd love to lose another 10 pounds before Christmas but I'm not going to sweat it if I don't. Just staying around where I am through the holidays will be a victory, especially with my running increasing steadily during that time.

Yes, I know it's all head games ... but as long as they work, I'm okay with that.